hmm, well, i predicted the outcome. i tried. but, i guess just take it as the Lord leads. after all, He is in control. some things are not meant to be understood. there are no reasons for certain things as well. i prayed and He answered with closed doors.

i guess i really wanted a yes. but somehow in my heart, i knew it would be no. disappointment, but Lord, Your will be done.

school is starting soon. i just really want to make good use of the remaining time left.

somehow, someday, some time, some place i will finally be able to. dont know when. maybe many years down the road. but sooner or later, i can perhaps make that decision.





it feels like being held very tightly by the hand. sometimes just wish for a let go. 19 years...and perhaps several more years to come... oh wells...

so wierd...all the similarities. its like being telepathic. and its not just similarities in timings, its in words, and in actions, and in viewpoints. haha.

haha don't worry so much :)

fang! keep pressing on. thank God for you :)

Lord, i pray that you will open doors to philippines this july.

While I'm Waiting

Heb 4:16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.

to surrender, and fully depend on Him, for in Him we find true joy.





knees die...
hmm...

Choose Life

need to check the knees soon.

Joshua 1:8,9
This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success. Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

thank you =)

its just......hard.

im sorry. and thank you for everything you did for me.

half of me wishes you would just let go, but i know you did it out of love.

some stuff i still dont understand. but, Lord, teach me every step along the way. to obey. to believe.

and You have shown Yourself strong yet again. thank You.

Isa 55:8-9, 57:15

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: "I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite.

Sometimes i may not understand why. But i dont think i need to. He has a perfect reason and He will work things for good. Humble me and help my unbelief.

really sorry. i know its my fault. i pushed it too much. Lord, i am sorry. I have failed You too.

motives and purpose questioned, that now i am even starting to doubt myself.

what on earth am i doing? i am so lost.

there are some questions to which i have no answer to. and yet, these somehow just have to be the questions that are asked so often.

Lord, im struggling. Teach me, each step along the path that i take. I want to hear Your voice again. I need You. i know i will ask why, but, i know that at the same time You have a perfect plan. and so, help me to surrender.

praying about philippines this july and cambodia at the end of the year. may You open doors.

stared blankly at the ceiling at 3am.

Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

had a good time of fellowship with cw today :) am also very blessed by uncle ivan's and uncle soh jen's openness to feedback on how a song should be played or sung. tk God for them leading worship in 2 different ministries.



a constant, nagging reminder. maybe i should.

surprised i was awake? tks for calling. it helped. im finding it easier to share now.

tk God for last night's message. hit pretty hard how we are living so unconcerned for people around us. and it's true that God's purpose for us is the Great Commission. but yet, we choose to want to be comfortable where we are, not bothering where others are heading.

Why have You chosen me out of millions Your child to be?......
For You i will live, and walk by Your side all the way.





and perhaps i will make the last decision for the first time...
cos it doesnt always have to be that way.

Luke 17:6
And the Lord said, "If you had faith like a grain of mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it would obey you.

i stand amazed at the power of Your hands in everything. You have shown me that You can allow things just as long as we pray in faith, believing that You will answer. just so thankful for last evening, tonight, tmr evening, sunday morning, and even mon morning and night. just as i thought these were not possible, You made them possible :) blessed!

Public prayer in worship brings all the members of the body togehter in agreement. In Matthew 18:19 Jesus says, "Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven." So when, two or three or more agree in prayer, as in public worship, their prayers have a special power.

I think that the above is the actual context of Matthew 18:20. Didnt really know that before until it was mentioned at campus camp and in the book im reading.

As he is Lord, he has appointed us to be servant lords, to have dominion over the world under him. And we, too, are to control the earth, to develop an authoritative understanding of it, and to spread our presence throughout the world. Antoher way of looking at that is to say that we are to be kings, prophets, and priests under God. So, conveying God's authority; and ethical, reflecting God's presence in holiness, goodness and righteousness.

Hmm, maybe thats what it means when the gospel tract said we are rulers under Him?

ive got things to say, things to ask of, things to do, none of which are simple. Lord, grant me wisdom.







im finding it harder and harder...
and sometimes i just wish...
can talk? actually its need to.

had a blessed time at soccer camp. thank God for His exceeding abundance in this camp. its amazing to see how many labourers He raised up to serve Him in this camp and its great to know our labour is not in vain in the Lord. it wasnt just any sports camp, but a spiritual one. thank God for the souls added to His kingdom.


thanks for talking yet again. active blocking helps, i hope?

think im falling sick...oh wells

really thank God for camp. thank You for meeting with me in a very special way. ive learnt much, even while on the way back from camp. at this camp, You taught me the real meaning of being humble.

thank God for all the talking and sharing. tis good. appreciate it much. tks =)

sometimes when things get a little tough, and instructions harder to follow
i just turn to You and Your commandments, and then i guess, it becomes a lot easier.

teach me.

a thousand times i've failed, still Your mercy remains,
and should i stumble again, still i'm caught in Your grace.

not good...i think (which is likely the case) that its a meniscus injury. probably soft tissue wearing out man. and there's nth to be done about it. except to stop running altogether? sth im definitely not planning to do haha. i wanna run during church camp! well, back to the use of that knee guard that came in handy in j1. actually yeah feels like a recurrence of that injury. oh wells, i just dont want it to be a distraction. it was kinda distracting during worship.

thank God for the launching of the fellowship groups today. post-sec pot-luck thing today was pretty interesting =)

From the Inside Out

A thousand times I've failed, Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again, Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades

Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

My heart and my soul, I give you control

Consume me from the inside out Lord

Let justice and praise become my embrace

To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains

The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
My heart and my soul, I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out.

back again tmr...
what can i say? im not sure at all.
Father, im praying for wisdom that can only come from You to say and do what is right in Your sight.
1 Tim 4:12 keeps replaying in my head. 'Be thou an example of the believers'. Father, help me to be a good testimony always, no matter what.

today marks the first day of my official break from work, which means about 2 months holiday before school starts. gotta make this break a well-planned one :)

and yes! finally get to cook lunch. <3

The River

=)

I don't want it to be mere words.

was reminded last night about life. was thinking about work which would end today, and realised how meaningless life would be we were to let each day pass by, the seconds ticking away, without living each day for God. without anyone to follow in our lives, i would possibly be wandering aimlessly, unsure of what to do next, or where i should be heading. but now with Christ in our vessel, shouldnt we be living each day for Jesus? Yes! we should be. but am i? it always strikes me how each day passes by so quickly when im working. i seem to only have time for a morning and night quiet time, and the rest of the day is work, with little time to seek God. and each time i am reminded of death, where we sit at the judgement seat. when it's all been said and done, did i do my best for live for truth, did i live my life for you? as work ends today, i know where i am heading. or at least i know that God will be leading and guiding me the rest of my life.

can i truly say that i will live for You each day? yes, i know i will falter, i will stumble. but You will pick me up, and i will be even stronger. today, i choose to follow You. help me Lord to keep this in my heart always.

hmm...i guess it is not a bad thing to think a little more, since this is where it has led me :)
psalm 46:10 - be still and know that I am God.

thinking about thinking. why do we as humans think so much? i mean, it suddenly dawned on me how much we actually think. for me, when someone speaks, certain words (people, places, things) jump out at me, and i start to ponder about related issues. and ironically, i am thinking right now, about thinking. dont really know where this is going, but i want to rationalize my thoughts. sometimes, i feel these thoughts are unnecessary. they can lead to sin - hatred, jealousy, self-inflicted pain etc. but then again, sometimes such thoughts are necessary to spur us on to greater heights, to push us to got the distance, to strive for excellence. it is innate in us to think, to rationalize for we were made to have freedom of thoughts, of emotions. and then, the part about introspection. where one starts analysing ppl's words, facial expressions, emotions, and coming to a conclusion about something. that involves deeper and more complex thoughts. i realise that introspection has its negative side too. it is actually harmful to think too much. can people allow nature to take its course without thinking and analysing an issue over and over until it no longer makes any sense? to this, i think there is no answer.

on a side note, work is probably ending tmr! something i have been waiting for. well, i really thank God for seeing us through so much. and i am grateful and thankful for this great opportunity given to me, that has taught me so much these 5 mths.

ah...hope i dont fall sick. throat is bad, head is heavy.

"When you make a promise to God, don't delay in following through, for God takes no pleasure in fools. Keep all the promises you make to Him. It is better to say nothing then to make promises and not keep it. " (Ecc 5: 4,5)
"Young people, it's wonderful to be young. Enjoy every minute of it. Do everything you want to do; take it all in. But remember that you must give an account to God in everything you do." (Ecc 11:9)