Edwina Hayes "Feels Like Home"

if i could have one desire, before my life is through,

even in my darkest night, my life would shine for You.

if i could stop the hands of time, or make a wish come true.

i would tell my heart to burn with fire for no one else but You.

this is my one desire.

carpe diem.

moved on.

i shouldnt be thinking this way.

He is Here

He is our very present help in times of trouble

hmm, dont really know what i want to do about it yet. i need time. but, exams are in 4 days time. and i really dont think i should be distracted by it. but well, i will need to give an answer soon i guess. timing's prettty bad. sometimes things just happen all at once, and i guess this one of the times where there is just so much going on.

well, just thank God for you, sis, being such a great encouragement. Your life has been a blessing, and just press on k, despite circumstances around you too. keeping you in prayer as well.

And even though I'm walking through
the valley of the shadow
I'll hold tight to the hand of Him
whose love will comfort me.
And when all hope is gone
and ive been wounded in the battle
He is all the strength that I'll ever need.
He will carry me.

God will make everything beautiful in His time =)

My Savior My God

My God He was, my God He is, my God He's always gonna be.

woke up with pain on the medial side... again
well, here goes the first day of matches.
hope nothing goes wrong...

Thank You Lord

Thank You for speaking to me yesterday.
Continue to guide me in my life :)

Havent been blogging as much as i wanted to. It's the 5th wk of sch proper already. How time flies. I have just been moving along with everyone else, trying to figure out what are neuroglia cells, and where the flexor pollicis longus is... Just felt like taking a break tonight, to reflect upon how life has been thus far. I thank God for how He has placed me in medicine, a privilege to be here. It's however, a long road ahead. Probably, long and winding, with huge bumps along the way. But then again, at the end of these 5 years, something greater to look forward to. I have made great friends, people whom i know i can study with, chat with during lectures, play floorball with etc. Thank God for these friends and many more who are not in medicine who have been always so encouraging =) It's great to start of each school day with christian fellowship in the morning. Had the opportunity to lead worship and share, and it was an amazing experience. But i dont wanna just be wandering along in medicine. I know God has called me for a greater purpose ahead. Dont really know what is there for me, but I know I will need Him along the way. Sometimes, I feel like i have drifted...esp when work and other commitments are pretty overwhelming. But I guess, He always draws us back. Havent been getting proper sleep too... its like i keep waking up at weird times of the morning, 4-5-6 am kind of thing. Hmm...gotta find back that fire burning for Him, and depend on Him to see me through. It's a long long journey, but i'll find my way back home to You.

I adore You

Jesus, help me to love You more and more...

let me be a shining light and a good testimony for You in school.
fill me with Your presence every day,every hour.

those words keep replaying in my head...ouch...

ion was pretty interesting, but feels like it could be just a passing fad.

well, i think more importantly, its the company that matters :)

c'est la vie
im learning :)

WOAH!

awesome!

i miss
s.s/o.t.w.c/walks/random M-Us
haha go figure...

10 things i want to do (the list can go on):
1. get violin right
2. learn ballroom
3. finish driving
4. go to the new sentosa adventure park
5. go ion :) (soon to be fulfilled?)
6. do dip? (i want, but its quite impossible with the crazy schedule)
7. go for end of yr missions
8. visit jy/char in europe
9. floorball/tennis in nus? hmm.
10. finally understand things heh

4-3-2-1

4 people of different backgrounds, yet 4 very good friends.
3 in medicine, one taking history.
2 local, 2 london.
1 thing in common: <3

when i got the news that my grandma wasnt feeling well again, it suddenly dawned upon me that recently, i have been spending very little time talking to her. ever since i stopped working, i have been busy doing so many other things that i have neglected the more important ones. its like martha being so busy fussing about things. i'd rather be mary, sitting at Jesus feet, and drawing nearer to Jesus. similarly, i feel a need to spend more time with her.

somehow i wonder why this is happening...but then it has hit me pretty hard. i need to spend my time more wisely. Lord, help me to draw closer to You as well.

i miss the times when things were so much simpler...

is it just about feelings?

well, i guess when you choose to come back to God, He works great and marvelous things through you. after the struggle, i had an opportunity to share the gospel with a friend, who was assured of his salvation and may want to come to church. amazing. thank God.

Chris Tomlin - Come home running

lyrics below =)

Come Home Running - Chris Tomlin

Oh heart of mine, why must you stray?
From one so fair you run away
And one more time you have to pay
The heaviness of needless shame

Oh heart of mine, come back home
You've been too long out on your own
And He's been there all along
Watching for you down the road

So come home running
His arms are open wide
His name is Jesus
He understands
He is the answer
You are looking for
So come home running
Just as you are

Oh child of God so dearly loved
And ransomed by the Savior's blood
And called by name, daughter and son
Wrapped in the robe of righteousness

my mind is so unfocused.
its like i'm so caught up with so many things happening around me that i feel lost.
it seems so difficult to worship Him when i cant keep my eyes fixed above
and there are these thoughts that float into my head that are very disturbing
thoughts about salvation, thoughts about heaven and hell, thoughts about living and walking the Christian life.
i just cant explain why this is happening.
its like i want to serve Him, but my heart does not seem to be right with Him.
i really miss that joy i once had when i first came to this church.
i am just reminded about how i was once so on fire for God.
and now... i really don't know where i stand.
whatever these may be, i just really want to come back to Him.
i need You.

it's just crazy when there are 4.
and somehow it just happens to be all at the same time.
even with just 2, there are still a lot of implications.
major headache...

it's only when you hear about the problems others are facing, that you realise yours are so minute and insignificant compared to theirs.

JOY - Jesus, Others, Yourself

feeling a little lost.
Lord, where are You?

and because of the past few weeks, it seems like nothing has changed.
don't know if its a good or bad thing.
blocking? hmm. hope not.

quite some ppl asked me that same question, either days back or right this morning.
honestly, i don't really know how to respond.
and now, its just school...
hmm...just keep praying...

the 's' word? i guess so...

4 days and 3 nights.
thank God for everything that has happened - the bonding, the friendships, the opportunities to share about Christ.
M2s! thanks for making all these possible.

a whole new environment to adapt to.
i wouldnt say it would be easy.
but i'm sure sooner or later, things will be "routinised"

pretty much want school to start.
good distraction for a lot of things going on around.
to everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven.




you know, ever since that day, i dont think much has changed.
did i even expect things to change? im not sure myself.
but God, this is all Yours. teach me, lead me.
when i am faltering, i still will find You there.

new beginning, new surroundings,
new faces that you've never seen.
what's through the doorway, don't know anymore heh.
it's like the world just got a little larger.

interesting day...
some things are just strange.
and now im wondering...well, as God leads =)

hmm, well, i predicted the outcome. i tried. but, i guess just take it as the Lord leads. after all, He is in control. some things are not meant to be understood. there are no reasons for certain things as well. i prayed and He answered with closed doors.

i guess i really wanted a yes. but somehow in my heart, i knew it would be no. disappointment, but Lord, Your will be done.

school is starting soon. i just really want to make good use of the remaining time left.

somehow, someday, some time, some place i will finally be able to. dont know when. maybe many years down the road. but sooner or later, i can perhaps make that decision.





it feels like being held very tightly by the hand. sometimes just wish for a let go. 19 years...and perhaps several more years to come... oh wells...

so wierd...all the similarities. its like being telepathic. and its not just similarities in timings, its in words, and in actions, and in viewpoints. haha.

haha don't worry so much :)

fang! keep pressing on. thank God for you :)

Lord, i pray that you will open doors to philippines this july.

While I'm Waiting

Heb 4:16 Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.

to surrender, and fully depend on Him, for in Him we find true joy.





knees die...
hmm...

Choose Life

need to check the knees soon.

Joshua 1:8,9
This book of the law shall not depart out of thy mouth; but thou shalt meditate therein day and night, that thou mayest observe to do according to all that is written therein: for then thou shalt make thy way prosperous, and then thou shalt have good success. Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.

thank you =)

its just......hard.

im sorry. and thank you for everything you did for me.

half of me wishes you would just let go, but i know you did it out of love.

some stuff i still dont understand. but, Lord, teach me every step along the way. to obey. to believe.

and You have shown Yourself strong yet again. thank You.

Isa 55:8-9, 57:15

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

For thus says the One who is high and lifted up, who inhabits eternity, whose name is Holy: "I dwell in the high and holy place, and also with him who is of a contrite and lowly spirit, to revive the spirit of the lowly, and to revive the heart of the contrite.

Sometimes i may not understand why. But i dont think i need to. He has a perfect reason and He will work things for good. Humble me and help my unbelief.

really sorry. i know its my fault. i pushed it too much. Lord, i am sorry. I have failed You too.

motives and purpose questioned, that now i am even starting to doubt myself.

what on earth am i doing? i am so lost.

there are some questions to which i have no answer to. and yet, these somehow just have to be the questions that are asked so often.

Lord, im struggling. Teach me, each step along the path that i take. I want to hear Your voice again. I need You. i know i will ask why, but, i know that at the same time You have a perfect plan. and so, help me to surrender.

praying about philippines this july and cambodia at the end of the year. may You open doors.

stared blankly at the ceiling at 3am.

Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

had a good time of fellowship with cw today :) am also very blessed by uncle ivan's and uncle soh jen's openness to feedback on how a song should be played or sung. tk God for them leading worship in 2 different ministries.



a constant, nagging reminder. maybe i should.

surprised i was awake? tks for calling. it helped. im finding it easier to share now.

tk God for last night's message. hit pretty hard how we are living so unconcerned for people around us. and it's true that God's purpose for us is the Great Commission. but yet, we choose to want to be comfortable where we are, not bothering where others are heading.

Why have You chosen me out of millions Your child to be?......
For You i will live, and walk by Your side all the way.





and perhaps i will make the last decision for the first time...
cos it doesnt always have to be that way.

Luke 17:6
And the Lord said, "If you had faith like a grain of mustard seed, you could say to this mulberry tree, 'Be uprooted and planted in the sea,' and it would obey you.

i stand amazed at the power of Your hands in everything. You have shown me that You can allow things just as long as we pray in faith, believing that You will answer. just so thankful for last evening, tonight, tmr evening, sunday morning, and even mon morning and night. just as i thought these were not possible, You made them possible :) blessed!

Public prayer in worship brings all the members of the body togehter in agreement. In Matthew 18:19 Jesus says, "Again I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything they ask, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven." So when, two or three or more agree in prayer, as in public worship, their prayers have a special power.

I think that the above is the actual context of Matthew 18:20. Didnt really know that before until it was mentioned at campus camp and in the book im reading.

As he is Lord, he has appointed us to be servant lords, to have dominion over the world under him. And we, too, are to control the earth, to develop an authoritative understanding of it, and to spread our presence throughout the world. Antoher way of looking at that is to say that we are to be kings, prophets, and priests under God. So, conveying God's authority; and ethical, reflecting God's presence in holiness, goodness and righteousness.

Hmm, maybe thats what it means when the gospel tract said we are rulers under Him?

ive got things to say, things to ask of, things to do, none of which are simple. Lord, grant me wisdom.







im finding it harder and harder...
and sometimes i just wish...
can talk? actually its need to.

had a blessed time at soccer camp. thank God for His exceeding abundance in this camp. its amazing to see how many labourers He raised up to serve Him in this camp and its great to know our labour is not in vain in the Lord. it wasnt just any sports camp, but a spiritual one. thank God for the souls added to His kingdom.


thanks for talking yet again. active blocking helps, i hope?

think im falling sick...oh wells

really thank God for camp. thank You for meeting with me in a very special way. ive learnt much, even while on the way back from camp. at this camp, You taught me the real meaning of being humble.

thank God for all the talking and sharing. tis good. appreciate it much. tks =)

sometimes when things get a little tough, and instructions harder to follow
i just turn to You and Your commandments, and then i guess, it becomes a lot easier.

teach me.

a thousand times i've failed, still Your mercy remains,
and should i stumble again, still i'm caught in Your grace.

not good...i think (which is likely the case) that its a meniscus injury. probably soft tissue wearing out man. and there's nth to be done about it. except to stop running altogether? sth im definitely not planning to do haha. i wanna run during church camp! well, back to the use of that knee guard that came in handy in j1. actually yeah feels like a recurrence of that injury. oh wells, i just dont want it to be a distraction. it was kinda distracting during worship.

thank God for the launching of the fellowship groups today. post-sec pot-luck thing today was pretty interesting =)

From the Inside Out

A thousand times I've failed, Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again, Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades

Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

My heart and my soul, I give you control

Consume me from the inside out Lord

Let justice and praise become my embrace

To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains

The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
My heart and my soul, I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out.

back again tmr...
what can i say? im not sure at all.
Father, im praying for wisdom that can only come from You to say and do what is right in Your sight.
1 Tim 4:12 keeps replaying in my head. 'Be thou an example of the believers'. Father, help me to be a good testimony always, no matter what.

today marks the first day of my official break from work, which means about 2 months holiday before school starts. gotta make this break a well-planned one :)

and yes! finally get to cook lunch. <3

The River

=)

I don't want it to be mere words.

was reminded last night about life. was thinking about work which would end today, and realised how meaningless life would be we were to let each day pass by, the seconds ticking away, without living each day for God. without anyone to follow in our lives, i would possibly be wandering aimlessly, unsure of what to do next, or where i should be heading. but now with Christ in our vessel, shouldnt we be living each day for Jesus? Yes! we should be. but am i? it always strikes me how each day passes by so quickly when im working. i seem to only have time for a morning and night quiet time, and the rest of the day is work, with little time to seek God. and each time i am reminded of death, where we sit at the judgement seat. when it's all been said and done, did i do my best for live for truth, did i live my life for you? as work ends today, i know where i am heading. or at least i know that God will be leading and guiding me the rest of my life.

can i truly say that i will live for You each day? yes, i know i will falter, i will stumble. but You will pick me up, and i will be even stronger. today, i choose to follow You. help me Lord to keep this in my heart always.

hmm...i guess it is not a bad thing to think a little more, since this is where it has led me :)
psalm 46:10 - be still and know that I am God.

thinking about thinking. why do we as humans think so much? i mean, it suddenly dawned on me how much we actually think. for me, when someone speaks, certain words (people, places, things) jump out at me, and i start to ponder about related issues. and ironically, i am thinking right now, about thinking. dont really know where this is going, but i want to rationalize my thoughts. sometimes, i feel these thoughts are unnecessary. they can lead to sin - hatred, jealousy, self-inflicted pain etc. but then again, sometimes such thoughts are necessary to spur us on to greater heights, to push us to got the distance, to strive for excellence. it is innate in us to think, to rationalize for we were made to have freedom of thoughts, of emotions. and then, the part about introspection. where one starts analysing ppl's words, facial expressions, emotions, and coming to a conclusion about something. that involves deeper and more complex thoughts. i realise that introspection has its negative side too. it is actually harmful to think too much. can people allow nature to take its course without thinking and analysing an issue over and over until it no longer makes any sense? to this, i think there is no answer.

on a side note, work is probably ending tmr! something i have been waiting for. well, i really thank God for seeing us through so much. and i am grateful and thankful for this great opportunity given to me, that has taught me so much these 5 mths.

ah...hope i dont fall sick. throat is bad, head is heavy.

"When you make a promise to God, don't delay in following through, for God takes no pleasure in fools. Keep all the promises you make to Him. It is better to say nothing then to make promises and not keep it. " (Ecc 5: 4,5)
"Young people, it's wonderful to be young. Enjoy every minute of it. Do everything you want to do; take it all in. But remember that you must give an account to God in everything you do." (Ecc 11:9)

no touching of work at all this weekend. :) boy, am i glad.

today's message was really impactful. was moved by what Pastor Mike said, about how if we could just 1/20 of 1% of our income each mth, we would be able to reach out to the 2 billion ppl who have not heard Christ's name even once. the irony of things is that ppl often think that if they give, they will have less in return. but God promises much much more in return, that we may give even more to the church of Jesus Christ. and its not just spiritual blessings, but financial as well. and yes, the health and wealth gospel thing. its so true, that certain things are biblical about it, but the error lies in the part where the wealth gathered be used for your own lust, and material gains. well, i guess its truly a blessing to give, rather than to receive. give without remembering, take without forgetting. may we give because He first gave. to give faithfuly, sacrificially, cheerfully, proportionately and expectantly.

talked to ian about the theology stuff as mentioned below and managed to clarify things. tk God.
shall explain that soon as well (together with the long overdue account of my trip :P)


well well...i was in the car. geddit? haha :) dont worry.









so every moment, we shared together
is even better than the moment before
and if everyday was, as good as today was,
then i can't wait til tomorrow comes.

heh nice song :)

Children's Camp Theme Song 2009

Verse 1:
On the cross, You died for all to see.
You came to earth to save me.
I was lost, but now I am found.
For You died and rose again to set me free.

Chorus:
Help me to,
Love You with my heart, my soul, my mind, my strength.
For You're worthy to be loved,
for You're worthy to be praised.
Help me to,
Live for You all of my days.
In Jesus name, we pray, Amen

Verse 2:
The eyes of the Lord are searching to and fro
He is looking for You, His child, do you know?
He sees that heart that longs for Him
And He works in You, to help You grow.

Verse 3:
Lord, let me learn how to serve
To help my brothers and sisters I love
Even though I am young
You’ll give me strength, and I will sing this song.

editing in progress
need uncle ivan and ian to vet
but i do need honest feedback from whoever who reads this!
please feel free to comment, and if u wanna hear the tune, please let me know too.
i need all the various opinions :) tks

thought everything would be over tmr
looks like i was wrong
more to do, more to edit
its definitely next wk
could be tues, wed, or even fri, who knows
its really too long drawn
physically drained nearly everyday
really cant wait for next wk to be over
more time with my family, my grandma
and to plan and focus on life ahead

all the same, i thank God for this job
God has broken me, picked me and taught me life lessons through this
i remember saying in a post earlier this year about waiting and praying
well, i believe its about perserverance as well,
and without which i wouldnt have pushed through 5+ mths
He gave me strength to see me through each day.

and now its even more waiting and praying.
i think at the end of the year i will look back and be in awe and amazement at God's hands in everything.


but then when i bow to You, the challenges You guide me through, Your promises are ever new, I claim them for today.
just so unworthy to receive His blessings, yet He still gave

Some have taught that the way to holiness is to "let go and let God." But that is not biblical. In the first place, we don't need to "let God", for God is sovereign and does not need to wait for us to let go before he can work. And we should not "let go", for God commands us to fight in the spiritual battle. (extracted from a book)

Hmm. Did not really see letting go and letting God in this light. I guess for me, letting go, means to give up our worldliness, to deny ourselves, and letting God take control, to let God rule and reign in my life. But now, a different viewpoint stating that letting go and letting God is not biblical.

I (the author of the same book as above) believe that demoninationalism is an offense against God and that is has weakened the church's witness. The rise of denominations is caused by sin, either sin of those who left the original church or sin of those who forced them to leave, or most likely both.

People used to ask me why were there denominations among the churches. So maybe this is a possible answer to the question? Interesting stuff.

one word. EPIC.
thanks for being open.
God, please help me to be that good testimony wherever and whatever.
glad that i settled something this morning. thank God.

now back to my work, a good way of keeping me busy.



sudden realisation that blogs are so public. haiz

im glad i did complete it earlier this morning :) even though i have to re-edit again :P
surprisingly not that tired now too...thank God for strength
well, my friend is back after i think about a month long break. YAY! miss her!

and you didnt have to, but thanks much. it helped :)

fri? i doubt so...
the word "REDO" reverberates
and everytime my phone rings, it just means more
say bye to sleep for a bit...

edit: hmm...im not supposed to stay up past bedtime. means i gotta do it tmr morning. who can give me a wake up call at 6? or 5 plus? ah, an unlikely possibility. oh wells

and so im back from kk :)
the trip has been a good break from work... ok maybe not work per se cos the conference was part of work, but perhaps from the same working environment for the last 5 mths.
tk God for the deeper bonds forged among the 3 of us. tks for all the sharing we had. hope it helped in a way :)
lots of reflections to do about the trip. soon soon...
but for now, its back to the reality of work for perhaps a week i hope? if not maybe 2...
God is so good, all the time. He keeps showing me time and time again how He can always work things out, as long as we seek in faith, knowing He will provide.
truly, how can i keep from singing Your praise...


ah...my phone bills are gonna sky rocket...what with all the communication from msia to singapore

May the Lord find us faithful

God has not given us the spirit of fear.
But has given us the strength to obey.
With power and sound mind, with love, the unfailing kind,
O be not ashamed of His way.

No man that seeketh after the things of this life,
Is a soldier who passes the test.
Be faithful, be working, be running, be serving,
Be searching His word for His best.

Living or dying, may honour be thine.
From this wretched life, Your loved and forgave.
A life that is on fire, be only our heart's desire.
Be faithful from now to the grave,

May the Lord find us faithful.
May His word be our banner held high.
May the Lord find us faithful.
Everyday though we live, though we die.

lunch break now...
honestly, work these 2 days hasnt been that great. some sort of barrier among people and things like that. somehow the environment feels rather different (colder, i guess) from a few mths back. and in a few days time, gotta head over to msia. not exactly looking forward to the trip, even though it is considered a break.

not going to let the sudden onslaught of various things get to me though. to be able to stand strong regardless of circumstance is not an easy feat. but all His blessings have seen me through thus far. and all His answered prayers have shown clearly His sovereignty. and thus, i must press on, not only for these 2 weeks, but for whatever that comes my way.

tk God for a verse from a friend just this morning to remind me from psalm 73:21-28: What is the desire of my heart, what is the strength of my life?

How Can I Keep From Singing?

tk God He is in perfect control. God is good, all the time.
no circumstances can hinder us from giving Him the praise due to His name.

now, all 4 of us are in this together. amazing yeah? God sees the heart and He answers.

how can i ever say enough, how amazing is Your love.

ah........................................... :P
did get me thinking, but oh wells
sometimes being introspective isnt a good thing :P

somehow, i really want to go edinburgh, not for the purpose of taking a trip to europe, but just to spend a couple of weeks with a group of old friends whom i havent had time to catch up with. miss you guys a lot, and the times we had together, especially during secondary school days. why cant it ever be the same now? well, have a good trip anyway yeah, even though i cant join you all. :)

was blessed by the sharing today. its amazing how God speaks to me each time something happens. was chatting with a close friend from my JC class today. we used to spend so much time together studying, chatting, doodling on each other's papers in lectures. when things werent going too well, she used to encourage me with verses. and though she's catholic, we used to do morning devotions together. but something shocked and saddened me today. she knew i got my uni course of my choice, and though she worked really hard for it, she did not. when i first approached her, she just congratulated me but did not tell me about not getting it. and so i heard from another friend about it. in a sense, i did not manage to speak to her about it until today, which i guess was quite natural, her not wanting to talk about it. she apologised for ignoring me. but somehow when i told her i heard from a friend about it, she reacted really strongly against that friend. i felt really upset for that friend, as i knew that it was my fault that i had asked about it in the first place. at that point, i did not really know how to react, but i confessed to her that it was my fault. she did not take that well either. and when i said that i would be praying for her, she told me not to, cos she did not believe there was a god. i was utterly shocked and very upset about this whole incident. but i stood firm, and just replied her that i shall still pray for i believe, and it does not matter if she didnt. thoughts about the whole incident kept replaying... but just thank God for a very relevant message today during uth. praying for the right time to talk again...

and thank God for friends always so willing to help one another. really appreciate the help provided for games :)

and so, i tried to finish. guess most of it was completed last night, but still couldnt settle a few things. well, at least i stayed awake :) its gonna be tough today though...

thanks, really :) hope you werent too tired...

His word is a constant reminder of who i should be and how i should be living.
wasnt a great day but after a short run and reflection, im good :)

When i was about 12, i read the whole series Chronicles of Narnia. Then, it was mere fiction, but i was already intrigued by the plots, the characters, the whole fantasy. And i never knew that the series had Christian themes and scripture references until quite recent.

CS Lewis is a brilliant author. Just picked up another of his Christian novels - The Great Divorce, and couldnt put it down. The book basically talks about the separation between heaven and hell, as well as salvation. Of course, its only fiction. But then again, in every chapter, there are scripture references being made, and Christian values shared. And CS Lewis discusses the themes in profound depth, despite it being a novel.

Well, looks like its time to read through Chronicles of Narnia again. Pretty much forgotten most of what i read, but after that book, am really just blown away by the way he writes.



hmm...why is it so difficult to just strike up a conversation. dont really know what is hindering. its like i know her and yet i dont. im trying, but it isnt working. even a simple how are you doesnt get me a reply. what is going on?

i just can't thank God enough, for His grace and His blessings
a year of praying and waiting
and He has once again shown Himself so strong
filled with overwhelming praise and gratitude!

who am i living for?
what am i living by?
how am i living?
why am i living the way im living now?
where am i headed?
when am i going to change the way i live?

hmm...

Will you swim the current?
Will you scale new heights?
Will you make it happen,
Will you let your dreams take flight?
Will you make the difference?
Will you seize the day?
Will you live each moment,
Will you dare to find new ways?

tired...



<3

now ive got 1 other.
and so its 2 opened doors at the moment. tk God!
mixed feelings, and a little confusion
but its ok. soon i will know...

its just very long drawn...
somehow feel sian just thinking of coming in everyday.
Lord, help me to see each day as a new learning experience.
after all, i need to be thankful for this no matter how it is now.
ah, to give my all, and not give up til june!


why do pigs fly?
because swine flu! =P

not just to serve; but to love thee with all my heart...

1. God is the ruler of the world. He made the world. He made us rulers of the world under Him.

You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honour and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being.
Revelation chapter 4, verse 11

2. We all reject the ruler - God - by trying to run life our own way without Him. But we fail to rule ourselves or society or the world.

There is no-one righteous, not even one; there is no-one who understands, no-one who seeks God. All have turned away.
Romans chapter 3, verses 10-12

3. God won't let us rebel forever. God's punishment for rebellion is death and judgement.

Man is destined to die once, and after that to face judgement. Hebrews chapter 9, verse 27

4. Because of His love, God sent His Son into the world: the man Jesus Christ. Jesus always lived under God's rule. Yet by dying in our place he took our punishment and brought forgiveness.

Christ died for sins once for all, the righteous for the unrighteous, to bring you to God. 1 Peter chapter 3, verse 18

5. God raised Jesus to life again as the ruler of the world. Jesus has conquered death, now gives new life and will return to judge.

In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. 1 Peter chapter 1, verse 3

6. The 2 ways to live: a. our way (reject the ruler, try to run life our own way); results (condemn by God, facing death and judgement) OR b. God's new way (submit to Jesus as our ruler, rely on Jesus' death and resurrection); result (forgiveness by God)

Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever rejects the Son will not see life, for God’s wrath remains in him. John chapter 3, verse 36

The first question you must ask yourselves is: Which way do i want to live?

in a sense, this is presenting the gospel in a pictoral form with someone speaking the words and relaying the verses i have typed out. rather interesting way of presentation, i feel. different in a sense that God being the ruler is brought up right from the start (for me, i havent heard it being brought up in a gospel sharing before, that is). but more importantly, the resurrection is emphasized as well. i agree that many a times, we share a lot about Christ's death, how He died for our sins, past, present and future, but we fail to say that He rose again in the gospel sharing to be our ruler. something else pretty new is the use of john 3:36 instead of john 3:16. the former verse brings up the point about sin and its punishment. pertinent, i guess, since salvation is not only about forgiveness but about repentence.

Connie Talbot - Ben

Amazing young talent!

realised its not good to be too practical. people end up always being more pessimistic, fearing the worst?

for me, im different...somehow always hoping for the best...

Something I just read, a reminder to me as to everyone else:

Some have trouble believing that God should take this one act of disobedience so seriously, in what might appear to be a minor matter. But God's law is interconnected. If you disobey one statute (James 2:10), you have violated the whole law. Why? Because sin is of the heart. If you have the kind of heart that would disobey one word of God, you have the kind of heart that would disobey any other word of God. Either you are wholly devoted to serve God or you aren't. And God wants only wholehearted servants.

im so glad i managed to find what my grandma needs :)
and she sounds so happy on the phone! yay!

tk God for worship pract and vibe!

Be an example, of the believers
in worship, in service
Be streadfast in love, in faith, in purity of life
For those behind us,
let us step between the gaps
and make a difference in their lives.
Be an example to follow Christ!

Apt...

Tmr is a day filled with activities. I pray that I wont lose my focus. Help me to serve You and You alone.

the figures are giving me a big headache. umpteenth time i have edited it...
oh wells, to take what i have been tasked to do, and give it my best is not that easy,
but, yeah i will try!

yay, a very productive day at work, despite the 5 hours of sleep...
tk God for strength to last for quite some time
prob not gonna survive tonight's class though =P

i really cant wait for june. i hope i can end by the first week of june. i need the break.
and now, i need to sleep. how?


don't worry, will explain soon? heh


HELP I NEED TO STAY AWAKE TONIGHT! FOR THAT 2 HOURS AT LEAST...

zheng xue wen!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY haha
and i wont promise not to suan u bout dee and wy =P

MUMMY, love you very very much!
you know that i dont really respond much, but i do agree with whatever you have said.
i am learning...slowly. give me time :) whatever the circumstances, i can and will have learnt much. sometimes, its good to be really positive and resilient like i somehow am you know? haha

No taking small things for granted in life. Every small little thing can be a blessing. It's how we look at it.


Do you really know what it means?

Sometimes i wish things..........................


Then I'll show you there's a destiny
The best things in life, they are free

"I think sometimes we know not what our heart really desires, or what suits us best or what is going to happen in the future, but He is all knowing and all powerful, so we must surrender all"
- A sister in Christ

Amen to that.

Read Jer 38:19a: "But I am afraid to surrender".
Often times we fear what will happen when we surrender all to God. But, we forget that He has a much better plan and purpose for our lives. Just this part of a verse has taught me the need to surrender. Look what happened to the king when he did not. Well, im surrendering and praying, not only for open doors, but for closed ones as well. Show me clear directions, LORD.

PAT-ience!

just green, greener or less green?
i can't really tell for sure...or maybe just for now
well, with the hours, the minutes, the seconds
then yeah...perhaps?
but then again...that would be nearly 4000 hours,
and many more minutes and seconds
heh never mind, i believe
________________________________________________________

a voice keeps saying "why are you so stupid to not have applied for 2nd choices/another uni? what if you don't get anything?"
but another voice calls out "o ye of little faith, when will you learn to trust me? I will provide."
its a battle...and the smallest of voices cries out "in You i will trust"

Stars

Another one...

I dreamed a dream

A new favourite.
Ah... and i do wanna watch Cats

Mark 12:28-33

28And one of the scribes came, and having heard them reasoning together, and perceiving that he had answered them well, asked him, Which is the first commandment of all?
29And Jesus answered him, The first of all the commandments is, Hear, O Israel; The Lord our God is one Lord:
30And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment.
31And the second is like, namely this, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. There is none other commandment greater than these.
32And the scribe said unto him, Well, Master, thou hast said the truth: for there is one God; and there is none other but he:
33And to love him with all the heart, and with all the understanding, and with all the soul, and with all the strength, and to love his neighbour as himself, is more than all whole burnt offerings and sacrifices.

thank God for the sermon preached today.
actually theses verses pretty much sums up what hit me the most and what i need to act upon:

Rev 2:
3I know you are enduring patiently and bearing up for my name’s sake, and you have not grown weary.
4But I have this against you, that you have abandoned the love you had at first.
5Remember therefore from where you have fallen; repent, and do the works you did at first.

great time catching up with jy, yz and char =)
havent actually gone to someone's house to play and slack for a while le so yeah HAPPY
jy, study hard! poor girl keep going out with us, and neglecting your med sch stuff heh
watched 'what happens in vegas' which was actually pretty amusing, considering the thrashiness that came with it =P
well, ben's and jerry's free cone day anyone?


and now...i need to chiong my lit review....ARGH
praying for you, my bro, someday i hope you will see it...

Hudson Taylor: A challenge to today's preocupation with self

By AJITH FERNANDO


We live in an era when selfishness has become respectable in society and even in the church. In fact a lot of the proclamation of the church today seems to be pandering to human selfishness. The church in Asia is also in danger of being carried away by this emphasis, especially with the growing popularity of Prosperity Theology.


We desperately need models of people who show us what Jesus meant when he said, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me” (Mark 8:34). James Hudson Taylor is such a model. He and his early missionaries took several paths that would seem foolish to today’s selfish generation. But by doing so they showed us the glory of Christian discipleship. Let me give you a few examples.


This is an era of globalisation. People are talking about global cultures and because every second matters in business dealings, people are learning to be as efficient as possible. In this environment, the process of spending years immersing oneself in a given culture, learning its language and adopting its lifestyle before fully proclaiming the message seems to be a foolish waste of time. But Hudson Taylor and his missionaries showed us that this is the only way we can deeply penetrate a people with the Gospel of Christ.


Even in today’s global culture you cannot go near to the heart of people without identifying with them. Those seeking to reach people for Christ today, whether in the mission field, the neighbourhood or place of work, should be willing to endure what looks like a waste of time as they attempt to identify with them.


Today, in discussions about Christian mission, there is a lot of talk about measurable results and receptivity. We are told to go to where the people are most receptive. The success of one’s enterprise is measured by the numbers of those who have responded positively to the message. In this environment people sent to tough and resistant areas could become very discouraged because they would be considered failures by the churches or organisations that sent them.


Many of Taylor’s early missionaries worked in areas where the physical climate was hostile to the missionary and the people were hostile or indifferent to the Gospel. Yet through their suffering they broadcast the seed of the Gospel far and wide in China without seeing much visible fruit. I believe that this had an important role to play in preparing China for the explosive growth that has taken place during the past 50 years.


In heaven these missionaries must know that what looked like a waste of their lives was a huge and highly productive investment in the future of the church; that they had performed a service that helped change the course of history.


In today’s litigant society, greed or the desire for vindication on earth causes people to expend so much energy suing people who they think have harmed them. During the Boxer Uprising at the turn of the 20th century Taylor’s mission lost 58 missionaries and 21 children and suffered much damage to property. After the uprising was over, compensation was agreed upon by the government. But wanting to demonstrate “the meekness and gentleness of Christ” Taylor refused to accept the compensation. This resulted in praise for Christ even from official Chinese circles.


But this was not just a foolhardy decision of reckless generosity. It was an extension of an approach to life where the peace and joy of God was so important that no earthly thing should destroy it. When we start fighting for ourselves without concentrating on serving God and others, we lose the joy of being freed from self. And this is what makes the life of total dedication so worthwhile. We have a sense of peace and joy, of significance and worth, which nothing on earth could give.


A person once expressed his surprise to Taylor that he remained at peace while he was surrounded by so many pressures. Taylor responded that for him peace was “more than a delightful privilege, it was a necessity”. He let nothing take away his peace and joy. And armed with that peace and joy he had the strength to take on untold hardship for the cause of Christ.
When we follow the way of the cross not only do we have peace, we also have a sense of significance and worth.


After speaking about how the world and often Christians reject the call to self-denial and suffering because it is so unattractive to them, Taylor said that “seen from a right point of view” our suffering for Christ gives “abundant cause for overflowing thanks and joy”. He said: “The early Christians were neither fools nor madmen when they took joyfully the spoiling of their goods, exulting that their names were cast out as evil, and that they themselves were counted worthy to suffer.”


It was an honour to be counted worthy to suffer for such a great cause. Being devoted to such a cause gives us a strong sense of significance and worth.


Today some people are seeking to retrieve their lost prestige or wealth by suing for damages. Many are striving to go up in society without caring for their spouses, their families and their neighbours. They do not have time or place for the principles of God and for the mission of God.

And why is this? They want the satisfaction of having succeeded in life because they think it will make them feel significant and worthwhile. But human beings were made in the image of the eternal God. They are too exalted to be satisfied with mere earthly success. Only an eternally significant cause will truly satisfy.


When we take up our cross and follow Christ we take on a winning combination. We do what the world despises – live sacrificial, holy and dedicated lives – and gain what the world longs for – joy and peace, and significance and worth. Hudson Taylor demonstrated this through his life.

Jer 23:23-24, 36 (NLT)
23 Am I a God who is only close at hand?” says the Lord. “No, I am far away at the same time.
24 Can anyone hide from me in a secret place? Am I not everywhere in all the heavens and earth?” says the Lord.
36 But stop using this phrase, ‘prophecy from the Lord.’ For people are using it to give authority to their own ideas, turning upside down the words of our God, the living God, the Lord of Heaven’s Armies.

jeremiah - a rather sad book...but yeah God's truths shine bright




so...where am i heading now?
LORD, show me...

just found out yest that i technically have no backups at all...
i mean i do but they are not feasible, surely cant afford to go heh
so now, i guess its just waiting again...
this year is truly a year of waiting with patience
i guess im a little worried about not having something to fall back on
but God has always provided me with just enough to get through.
i know He will do the same this time, and i can always fall back on His promises
people do always want to have something concrete they can see to believe,
but faith is believing in things unseen and yet known
keep praying and believing!




some do firmly believe i will get in...but im not entirely sure myself, so as God leads, i will follow...

a bit sian...guess im just kinda tired
i guess ever since i took it up last year, i knew i had to commit to whatever that came along with it. i mean 6 months is long. its not that i dont want to do the stuff i have to do
i mean im really grateful for all the help rendered, all the tips and even the leaves
i thank God for this, especially the people around me, without which i would possibly have not suvived thus far
but perhaps what im doing at the moment is not something im inclined towards?
and its tough to keep editing and reediting something not knowing what you are really doing
perhaps i want to be out there doing something more meaningful
no its not just looking at others and being envious of those who are free
in fact, i dont want to be bumming around and doing nothing with my life
but yeah i guess i could always be doing something more purposeful?

The Trinity

Worship
if Jesus the son of God is only a creature, then we are guilty of idolatry. for Christians have already for nearly 400 years worshipped Christ as God. He is worthy of worship only if He is equal to the Father, a member of the trinity.

Salvation
we cant be hoping to be saved from sin through a mere creature. only if Jesus is fully God, a member of the trinity, can He save us from our sins.

woah, pretty mind-blowing!

thank God for how it went!
should say the 2nd one wasnt the best it could have been, but i know i tried my best all the same
and being someone who usually finds it difficult to put my thoughts into words (haha!), there were no awkward pauses during the whole thing
i'm happy and grateful for God's presence, without which i would probably not have been able to respond to many bombarding questions.
thanks for praying, friends! appreciate it very much. :)




all the best for the next few days! praying...

'...we all takes such pains to over-educate ourselves. In the wild struggle for existence, we want to have something that endures, and so we fill our minds with rubbish and facts, in the silly hope of keeping our place. The thoroughly well-informed men - that is the modern ideals. And the mind of the thoroughly well-informed man is a dreadful thing. It is like a bric-a-brac shop, all monsters and dust, with everything priced above its proper value."

hmm...kinda apt...
ah but all vanity?

the wonder of Your cross...
thank You for Your grace alone!

got grilled today pretty badly
feeling rather unprepared despite everything i have prepared thus far
hmm...not that i am very worried
somehow i know that i will be able to answer on that day itself (hopefully!)
and most of the answers usually never ever come from me
i know i wont usually say whatever i will say
but yet somehow i do say and thats when i know that God has spoken

ah, i just need to talk to someone to throw out all my facts and thoughts so that they flow
i feel wierd talking to myself





girl, you will prob see this
heh sorry for always changing plans kinda last min yeah?
my bad my bad... my apologies k?
jiayou for everything!

at times i may grow weak
and feel a bit discouraged
knowing someone somewhere could do a better job
for who am i to serve You
i know i dont deserve You
but i know that is the part that burns in my heart
that keeps me hanging on


it was Your dying on the cross 2009 years ago, that i am here today

"We shall not cease from exploration. And the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started, and know the place for the first time" - T.S. Eliot

I trotted on the avenue my heart opened to the unknowns
I wanted to say hello to no matter whom
No matter whom, it could be you, I'd said anything to you
It was enough to speak to you, just to calm down.

You said to me "I was pinned in a basement with fools
Who live guitar-in-hand from dusk till dawn"
Then I accompanied you, one sang, one danced
Any one who did not even think of embracing oneself

Yesterday evening two unknowns and this morning on the avenue
Two in love all dazed by the long night
And to the Star of Concord, form an orchestra with thousand cords
All the birds at day-break singing for the love

Grace

Finally finished reading psalms after 3 months. The journey through this book has been refreshing. I never before made it a point to read each psalm in depth, but I have realised now how important it is. Verses have spoken to me countless times, and I thank God for His promises for every need that can be found in this book. The last verse of this book really brings a closure to this journey: "Let every thing that hath breath praise the LORD". How true, how real.

Help me break down the high place, once reserved for You.
Help me rebuild my alter, and worship You anew.
Help me cast out all thoughts that exalt above You own.
Help me listen for Your sweet voice so Your will is always known.

As I move on to a new book, I am praying that God will continue to speak to me through His word.



what is inner should always shine much brighter...

Psalm 139:

1 O lord, thou hast searched me, and known me.

23 Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts:
24 And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.

Psalm 141:

3 Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips.

Psalm 139:

14a I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made

Nearing the end of the book of psalms...its been a wonderful read thus far.

actually i knew too. somehow there's always this understanding that doesnt need words to explain... :) thanks!

was that a glint of disappointment i saw yest?
ah, but i guess its for good...
and it will definitely be worth it yeah?







no worries? :)

To whom much has been given,
much more shall be required.
You have given gold and silver,
will you give to Him your life?
Will you labour with your savior,
will you do as He desires?
For to whom much has been given,
much more shall be required.


a heart fully surrendered to His control...

somehow managed to pull my calf muscle when i got up this morning. the sudden sharp pain and tightness was intolerable so i sat on my bed for half a minute, wanting to scream, but not wanting to alarm my family. knew the only way to stop the muscle spasm was to move, so i gave in after half a minute and tried to get off the bed. thankfully the pain wasnt excruciating after i moved, and i managed to limp to the toilet.

thank God nothing serious happened. walking turned out fine, though squatting and going down the stairs was a problem. but ah... im glad its better now. muscle still rather tight though. guess i need to stretch it more.

all in a day's work

now i realised its not rare anymore for me to have a day packed to the brim with things to do. but heh a fruitful yesterday!

finally done after drafting and re-drafting... and then moved on to prepping for 5pm as well as reading my class stuff and doing the homework. should say that time was on my side somehow despite all the stuff i had to chiong out.

so, maybe the prep kinda paid off, but i went in there and it was not as bad as i thought (though i did smoke my way through some questions).

and well...had a good time after that which kinda made up for everything i had to rush through.




thanks =)


some part of me wants to just let it be.......
but the other half thinks after would be better

Here is love vast as the ocean
Loving kindness as the flood
When the Prince of life, our ransom
Shed for us His precious blood
Who His love will not remember?
Who can cease to sing His praise?
He can never be forgotten
Throughout Heaven's eternal days

On the Mount of Crucifixion
Fountains opened deep and wide
Through the floodgates of God's mercy
Flowed a vast and gracious tide
Grace and love, like mighty rivers
Poured incessant from above
And Heaven's peace and perfect justice
Kissed a guilty world in love

Let us all His love accepting
Love Him ever all our days
Let us seek His Kingdom only
And our lives be to His praise
He alone shall be our glory
Nothing in the world we see
He has cleansed and sanctified us
He Himself has set us free

In His truth He does direct me
By His Spirit through His Word
And His grace my need is meeting
As I trust in Him, my Lord
All His fullness He is pouring
In His love and power in me
Without measureFull and boundless
As I yield myself to Thee

They have seen me through everything thus far.
Parents are God-sent.
Every single time I reflect upon something I have said or done,
I realise how I have taken things for granted.
They give freely without remembering.
Thank God for them.

tk God for the clarifications.
a load off my mind.








actually, at this point, i just feel like.........................

Romans 8:28
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.

Tk God for the message tonight.
It struck me how most of the time feelings and circumstances cloud up our lives.
But faith is trusting in God, not knowing what will happen. It is believing in things yet unseen and unknown.
It is a personal walk with God, with patience and persistence, knowing that He will provide.





tk God for always being there for me, fang!
tk God also for marcus, who is always so willing to accompany me home from church.

and tk you for asking how i am earlier. :) all smiles yeah?

at the crossroads in life, where major decisions have to be made.

sheer optimism and resilience keeps me pressing on...

i guess what was said is true as well.
now im really very confused.
Lord, what are You teaching me?
i need You to speak, i really do.







Endurance - the capacity to remain under the stress until God's work is done
Glad that God doesnt play hide and seek
He's not going to show up at the end, and say, "I'm sorry, I've been really busy that I couldn't answer you"
God is faithful and He never changes...

to be that good testimony...

Amazed

I am just so amazed by You.

Decided to just go ahead and submit the form. Managed to get another teacher to write instead. Thank God!

Realised that many people have already been shortlisted. Ah, but I'm not unduly worried. If its His will, He will let it come to pass. Just waiting patiently for the letter/email/call?



you will never know if you never try...

I realise God provides just enough for every situation He places us in. And well, He really answers when we ask, even to little things like the rain.

Thank You for this work You have placed me in. I would never have learnt so much. Really amazed by how You are carrying me through life's journey ahead.

Let me live in the present, each day as it comes, looking up. And, I really shouldn't be taking all the little things for granted. I am grateful.

I really can't decide if i should submit that form. The deadline is just 7 days away, and i haven't gotten all the reference letters yet. I know i want to, but time is not on my side. And, its so difficult for the people you have asked to get back to you in time, considering that they are all busy people.






Praying for wisdom, strength and guidance to know and do what is right and pleasing in Your sight.

how long is the road, how long is the ride

God never moves without purpose or plan.
When trying His servant and molding a man.
Give thanks to the Lord though your testing seems long;
In darkness He giveth a song.

O rejoice in the Lord,
He makes no mistake,
He knoweth the end of each path that I take,
For when I am tried and purified,
I shall come forth as gold.

I could not see through the shadows ahead;
So I looked at the cross of my Savior instead,
I bowed to the will of the Master that day;
Then peace came and tears fled away.

Now I can see testing comes from above,
God strengthens His children and purges in love.
My Father knows best, and I trust in His care;
Through purging more fruit I will bear.

been rather busy with work stuff, apps etc
physically quite exhausted,
but, i thank God for His promises that spoke to me in a personal way...

Psalms 94:19 In the multitude of my thoughts within me thy comforts delight my soul.

2 Cor 4:16-18 For which cause we faint not; but though our outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal.

Matt 11:28 Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

sometimes all we need is just a little more faith...

thanks for everything...
explains quite a bit yeah?
i agree it was kinda surreal,
but its good to know.

i guess you read me pretty well...which came as a surprise actually.
im still rather confused, but let's just take it a step at a time yeah?

someone just told me she likes my attitude: resilient, thats what she says.
hmm...





better late then never




(tks a lot Gor!)

in complete doubt...
but God You know




i have no idea what i am doing...
maybe i will wake up and find that its all just a bad dream...

i chose to go into this, and i am choosing to continue on this path...
help me to do it to the best of my ability.
You will give me just enough to get through...

Be not weary in waiting,
for love suffers long.
If you faint not you'll reap
when the harvest is come.
Run with patience the race
as you rest on His word,
for your testing will teach you
to wait on the LORD.

They that wait upon the LORD,
shall renew their strength.
They shall mount up on
wings as eagles.
They shall run and not grow weary,
they'll walk and not faint.
Wait, I say WAIT ON THE LORD.



I feel like I have learnt more than I have ever learnt just from the 1st 3 months of this year
thank You for all You have placed me in...
You know what I have been through because You were there.
LORD, I need Your clear directions...

hmm...is being introspective a good thing?
but it actually helps distract me from the pile of things to do :)






just the way i see it?
or is it really?

1 Cor 15:58 Therefore my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord






(if you ever see this, val) i know you are collapsing under the work load, but press on...for our labour is not in vain. it is truely worth it. let us be that shining testimony k, sis?

one after another...
i can, hmm, no i MUST deal with all these...
God, You will never let me fall.

How deep the Father's love for us

is that it?
as full, able-bodied people,
is that all we can do?
it can't be only that much,
there is so much more that can be done...
ah... what a rebuke!
what a blessing at the same time,
to enable me to see out of this tiny box.
oh how myopic...





why should i gain from His reward,
i cannot give an answer.

I guess God is teaching me the importance of patience this year. I'm actually glad to have been able to develop this patience, to wait upon the Lord to show me His way and the directions I am to take. And time and time again, He shows Himself strong. It's not like everything suddenly comes to pass, but He fulfils things a bit at a time, and yet all this is significant to me. Waiting for A-level results was seriously a tough one... but I really thank Him for giving me that patience to wait, knowing that eventually everything will work out for good. There are some other things yet to be seen, heard or known, but God has His perfect plan. I will just be waiting patiently for His hands to guide me, and to show me the clear path ahead. In Your time, Lord, You will make all things beautiful.



someday...

what's reality?

A Choice is a Limitation

When you make a choice, you accept the limitations of that choice. To accept limitation requires maturity. The child has not yet learned that it can't have everything. What it sees it wants. What it does not get it screams for. It has to grow up to realize that saying Yes to happiness often means saying No to yourself.

HOPE

Thank God for everything.
It's so amazing to have Him in my life, to lead and direct.
Am so grateful for how things turned out.

New decisions to be made...
Lord, show me the path i should take.
You will go before me, You will shield my way.

Heavenly Father,
take control of me,
for whatever the circumstance may be,
I will love You and I know You love me.

We are weak, He is strong
In His arms we belong.

When trials cloud our lives,
and nothing seems right,
BUT whatever the circumstance may be,
I will love You and I know You love me.

Luke 1:38 ...be it unto me according to thy word

Dear A level ppl (if you all ever see this),

Just wanna encourage you all with this verse Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you", declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. God has great plans for us. We do not know it, but He does. He knew us before we were born, and knit us together in our mother's womb. How can He not know what the future holds?

But, let us wait upon the LORD, for Him to lead and to guide us along this pathway of life ahead. He is the way, the truth and the life. Psalm 130:5 says I wait for the LORD, my soul waits and in His word I put my hope.There is something we all strive for... He knows it and we do too. But this is our desire, it may or may not be His. But as He said, wait upon Him. Let us all run this race with patience, not knowing what lies ahead, but knowing eventually that we may receive the prize.

Whatever the circumstance tmr, let us be ready to praise Him and thank Him for seeing us through. It may not be up to our expectations, but His ways are higher than our ways, His thoughts than ours. Let Him be able to reign and rule in our heart.Most importantly, Delight in the LORD and He will grant you the desires of your heart.

Hope you all are not stressed out over the results coming out tmr. It is all cast in stone already. Why worry twice? It is natural for us to worry... we are humans after all, but keep falling back upon His everlasting promises. He will be there to see us through it all.

Take care and rest well... May we be a good testimony in school, as we get back our results.

God Bless,
Pat

I will rise

There's a peace I've come to know
Though my heart and flesh may fail
There's an anchor for my soul
I can say "It is well"

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

There's a day that's drawing near
When this darkness breaks to light
And the shadows disappear
And my faith shall be my eyes

Jesus has overcome
And the grave is overwhelmed
The victory is won
He is risen from the dead

And I will rise when He calls my name
No more sorrow, no more pain
I will rise on eagles' wings
Before my God fall on my knees
And rise
I will rise

And I hear the voice of many angels sing,
"Worthy is the Lamb"
And I hear the cry of every longing heart,
"Worthy is the Lamb"

Everything Beautiful in His Time

"He hath made every thing beautiful in his time: also he hath set the world in their heart, so that no man can find out the work that God maketh from the beginning to the end" (Ecclesiastes 3:11).

This past Tuesday my alarm went off at 4:30 a.m. I had allowed myself only the briefest margin to get my things together that I would need for the day and get out the door arriving at the 5:00 a.m. early morning prayer. I didn’t want to keep any of the men who had come to prayer in waiting. I forgot to plug my cell phone in over night, so I was low on charge, but I thought, I’ll just grab my cell phone charger and plug it in after I arrive at church.

In the vestibule of our home is a truly prized possession. It is an old oak table that has been in our family for years. It is hand-carved, without a nail in it. It is beautiful, with spiraled meticulously carved legs. The sentimental value is even more than it’s worth as an antique. It is the table that my father served The Lord’s Supper on in my youth. My first communion was celebrated at this table.

So, with that picture in mind, see me in my hurried state of affair. I am now ready to exit our house. I grab the charger and charge for the door, when suddenly I am stopped in my tracks. I felt a tug coming from behind. I looked behind to discover my phone cord had wrapped itself around one of the table legs on the antique oak table. With my hands full and not wanting to put everything down and take the time to carefully pull the cord away, wrap it up, and proceed out the door…I gently yanked the cord. Nothing happened. A little exasperated, I yanked harder. Now I could tell the cord was stuck somewhere. Oh, brother, now I was going to have to put everything down, get on my knees, find out the trouble, pick everything up…why this could cost me every bit of twenty seconds!

Descending to my knees, I discovered to my chagrin that the small end of my phone cord had lodged deep into the spiraled leg of the great oak table. I was in a hurry! I pulled, but to no avail. I could not get my finger into the spiral to push. Hopefully, what I say now will not mortify my wife or mother as they read these words; I (gulp) grabbed the nearest thing to my hand, a butter knife. My goal was to push the small plastic covered connection point out the other side into freedom. I did nothing of the sort. I managed to lodge more of the piece deeper into the oak spiral. I realized to use the butter knife any further was a risk of scratching a precious piece of furniture. I put the butter knife away, pulled a little more, and lodged it deeper yet.

What was I to do? I’m late now for prayer and the cord to give me a charge for the day is stuck. If I leave now, I’ll have to make an extra trip to retrieve my cord, which means more time wasted. I can stay here, miss prayer with the men and attend to this problem. As I sat there for just a moment longer, surmising my situation, I decided to leave for prayer. While en route to the prayer meeting and while praying, these thoughts came to mind about the rather comical comedy of errors I was accruing.

I. Haste makes waste.
That phrase has deservedly passed from being a cliché to being a maxim. As a rule, this is true! If I had taken the time to simply wind up my cord, I would not have lodged it in the table. If I had not proceeded to yank the cord, it would have not lodged deeper. If had not tried to make a tool out of the butter knife, it would not have worsened. Every short cut I took was robbing me of more time.

This maxim applies to the more important things of life. I find that if I allow myself more time (which I am bad about not doing) and take the extra time to do things right, in the end, accomplishment is sweeter. Also, in the long run, more time is saved.

If an airplane mechanic gets in too much of a hurry, he may miss the subtle crack across the wing, which could bring the plane down. If a surgeon gets too hurried, he may stitch up a scalpel or sponge inside a patient, creating a new problem. Imagine what would happen if a seismologist hurriedly scans across the monitor and misses the earthquake in the ocean that could cause a tsunami.

Jesus said, "...Are there not twelve hours in the day?...." (John 11:9). The Bible also says, "For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust. As for man, his days are as grass: as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth" (Psalm 103:14, 15). God knows who we are and how much time we have. He has designed us with the amount of time to get everything done (here’s the key) “in His time”. God’s time is so much better than our time.

II. Prayer and stillness unties knots!
When I settled down in prayer, after a good laugh on myself with my comrade in prayer, the simplest solution on how to remove the phone cord came to me. You may think I am kidding, but I believe the Lord will talk to you about little things as well as big things.

I cannot resist the opportunity to tell on Richard Sanchez at this point. After prayer, I announced a “eureka”. I explained that I thought the Lord had revealed to me how to remove the cord. Richard gave me another explanation on how to do it. My gut feeling was to go with my new plan. But I thought, who am I? Richard knows more than I about this stuff. I nearly tore the cord up doing it Richard’s way. When I stopped and tried the method that came to me in prayer, it popped right out without any further harm to the cord, and to my wife’s relief, none to the table!

I had a little fun with Richard over this matter. The next time we talked, I expressed thanks for helping me with advice that nearly destroyed my phone cord. Although we had a good laugh, there is a serious reminder for all of us. Prayer is so much more than a session with God. It is during the stillness that answers often come and hard knots are untied. "Is not this the fast that I have chosen? to loose the bands of wickedness, to undo the heavy burdens, and to let the oppressed go free, and that ye break every yoke?" (Isaiah 58:6). In the extreme prayer of fasting, God promises to lose our bands, lifting of heavy burdens, and every yoke broken. "Be still, and know that I am God...." (Psalm 46:10).

III. Put first things first.
You know what was more important than getting my problem solved immediately? Prayer and obligation to friendships. Praying was more important than improvising with a new technique that may free up a silly wire covered by plastic. Prayer is time with God! Everything I was doing could easily wait until I had prayed. Also, there was someone waiting to pray with me. Friendships and commitments to those friends are more important than getting things done in my time. "Thine own friend, and thy father's friend, forsake not...." (Proverbs 27:10). Let us not sacrifice friendships, brothers and sisters animated with the very life of God over inanimate objects that in comparison mean nothing. Jesus said, "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you" (Matthew 6:33).

Putting first things first is moving into the beauty of God’s time!

Everything In its time

patience...
do i really have what it takes to wait?
but as the LORD says, wait upon Me
and run with patience the race that is set before us

i don't really know what lies ahead
but He will answer in His time.
it will all work out for good to those that trust Him
to be in the centre of His will

3 major issues at hand
i surrender all LORD
i can't contain it inside anymore
Your will be done and Your plan be carried out

i would rather lose all that i desire than to be a step away from the centre of Your will
LORD, show me clear directions
that i do not lose focus of what You have called us to do
You know... i know You do, and more importantly, You understand



if only...if only

i don't need to run when i can hide